Under the Influence: 10 x PMS rants

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, OVER DRAMATIC FEELS AND F*K YOUS AHEAD!! (AND YES, AUTHOR CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING PMS, THUS SENSITIVITY FILTER HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY DISABLED)

As most women know (and a lot of men who live with these women), PMS (Pre Menstrual Syndrome) can be a real bitch and will usually ruin the day about once a month.
Other than uncontrollable eating binges and the occasional weep fest in front of a sad movie, I never really had fallen victim to this joyous phenomenon before, but since the birth of our daughter, my hormones have leveled right up and about once every two month, they unleash the beast within.

Sadly, some people get in the way (some who deserve it; others not so much):

1) Driving under the influence of PMS is my worst habit. I’m already a bit of an edgy person when confronted with people’s stupidity on the road, but when they shovel out the extra stupid on those days.. I just..gah! Like the one guy chatting on his cell this week swerving from one lane to another, going 30 km/hour, he was greeted with a lip read of “Get off your phone mother*kerrrr!” as I angrily passed his irresponsible ass!

2) The stupid towel that kept falling off the bathroom hook. I mean what the f*ck! I have mounted you on that wall for a reason you stupid plastic IKEA piece of sh*t, so stop falling off every time I take a shower (said towel is now in the laundry basket…. as punishment).

3) My gorgeous, beautiful, loving dog .. ..*sigh*…who just won’t get out of the f*%§ing way and keeps running in front of my d*$#mn feet as I try and cook dinner… I love you pup, but move already!!

4) The ridiculously slows Asians in front of me taking up the entire footpath.. (as I live in Hong Kong, rather common that most people are Asian, so stop already before you cry ‘Duhh..racism….’ *f*king sensitivity police*). This is NOT “The Walking Dead”, so unless I see you eating a brain or without a heartbeat or pulse, there is NO reason for you to walk THAT SLOW! Pick up the pace people or MOVE!!

5) The old lady who keeps eye-balling me in the grocery store with a judgy look on her face (for whatever reason) *silence*:  ‘Bring it. B*tch.’

6) The vacuum cleaner that just keeps.f*king.fallin’.just..get.back…up.**.you.stupid.piece.of.sh**. get…back..in.over..GAAAAH!!

7) OHOOoo! and there’s that idiot again in his car turning off the highway roundabout: ‘INDICATE! A**HOLE!!’

8) HEY, While I’m on a roll, let’s remember that time when we had that fight with that friend SHALL WE?!? I still don’t know what exactly happened, but let’s reminisce about those feels again for old time sake UHUUU!!

9) *wriggles* And WHY ON EARTH is my bra so F*#ng TIGHT today, I mean COMMON!!!

10) The pasta pot just boiled over…..Really!? *commence uncontrollably sobbing* I mean… what kind of.. sniff sniff… of person… can’t.. sniff… cook… *ahaa*… why meeeee! BWAAAAAA ..I mean..just.. WAAAAAAaaaa

*crawls into foetal position with her ice pack*

I’m ready for some chocolate now…………………..  😦 sniff

demotivation.us_THEY-CALL-IT-PMS-because-mad-cow-disease-was-already-taken_136993202749

 

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