As I don’t mind the challenge of diving into a controversial topic once in a while, please note that this blog post has been written as an opinion piece, solely from the point of view of the writer (and some of the writer’s friends 😉 I wanted to discuss the so-called ‘battle of the sexes’ and how I’m starting to feel that the true battles women (and men) deal with on a daily basis are increasingly being dominated and (falsely) linked with an ever growing hype of over-sensitivity and Femi-Nazism (a term used to describe ‘radical feminists’).
I feel the word ‘feminism’ has been tainted. What started as a movement for gender equality seems to be overshadowed by the ‘extreme feminist’ who views anyone who thinks differently as the enemy. It’s a darn shame, because true feminism does not condemn men for being the cause of everything bad in the world nor does it encourage us to storm the streets in our bras because ‘no man will ever tell me what to wear!’ They are the reason why a lot of us are shying away from modern feminism and referring to ourselves more as “equalists” rather than “feminists”.
I don’t believe one sex is superior to the other. We all excel in different areas of life and other than some biological perks (like carrying a child, the ability to have multiple orgasms or peeing standing up) I don’t think our gender is the main contributor to our strengths nor our weaknesses.
An Example: The recent (increased) awareness of sexual harassment
After the recent Weinstein scandal, an increased awareness of sexual harassment and abuse spread on social media like wildfire, with women worldwide sharing their stories. This triggered a huge rethink of attitudes towards sexual harassment in and outside the workplace. Here in France, gender equality Minister Schiappa kicked off nationwide consultations over a law due to be completed early next year that will include steps to fight sexual harassment on the streets as well (Reuters, Oct 2017).
I see this law as an excellent step forward to ‘outing’ this kind of behavior and creating a zero tolerance to any kind of violence and harassment. However, as I mentioned earlier, our often hyper-sensitive society (who just loooves to get so easily offended these days) seems to be creating a blurred image of what exactly the term ‘harassment ‘stands for, consequently obstructing (rather than helping) the essential goal of such a law.
When interviewing people to get some background for this blog post, I was met with a range of opinions to try and get a holistic view on the topic. The one opinion that seemed to repeat itself continuously, however, was the fact that some radicals had jumped on the hype wagon and had derailed this whole ‘harassment thing’ off its original course, turning it into a witch hunt at work and on the street, taking away from those who truly had had a genuine, traumatic experience.
Some had the concern that their own harassment/assault claims would no longer be taken seriously, because of the “hype” (really?? All this work and bravery from people sharing their stories, only for it to be seen as ‘hype’?) Others stated they are now reluctant to even joke around in the workplace out of fear it would be interpreted as harassment. This is the exact opposite of what was intended, and I blame the radical side, as well as and the rest who are being swept up in the hype along with them.
It’s important to differentiate between what is ‘annoying’ and what is ‘harassment’. Harassment is generally identified as a course of conduct which annoys, threatens, intimidates, alarms or puts a person in fear of their safety. Whereas annoying someone, albeit a pain in the ass, is not intended to hurt or scare anyone; it may actually be unintentional.
This is where people are getting concerned that ‘radical feminists’ might blur the two together and anything now is open for interpretation. A man whistling at a woman on the street (or vice versa, because that happens too) is not the same thing as a man physically grabbing a woman on the street or hindering her way to intimidate her. Asking someone out at a bar (or if you’re brave enough, at work) should not be immediately seen as harassment (if the answer is no and the person persists, then we’re getting into that grey area) but don’t persecute someone for having a fair go at first. And last but not least, if someone’s behavior is in a grey area and you’re not sure if they intended to make you feel uncomfortable, there is nothing wrong with telling the person directly how you feel. Easier said than done I know, but don’t send poor Joe to Human Resources straight away if you didn’t like his borderline sexist joke …
Being annoying is well…. annoying… but it is not a crime. People need to remember when you accuse someone of sexual assault, it’s a big deal!
Gender Stereotypes have changed
I am lucky to have been raised by a set of parents who took on the task of raising a family and living life as a team. Never was the sentence “that’s a woman/man’s job” uttered in our household, nor were we ever actively raised that all things should be equal… things just were. I’m aware that that may not have been the case for everyone, but I’d like to think that my generation (the microgeneration between Gen Y and X) has already seen a huge shift in gender stereotypes while growing up.
In general, men today, are not who they were two generations ago. They do not expect their meals to be on the table, they actively contribute in parenting duties (including poopy diapers), and although some might dabble and joke around, none of them truly expect to be living out an episode of ‘Mad Men’.
Just like that, nobody gasps in shock either when a woman dives under the car and changes a tire, decided to choose a career over family or is the main breadwinner at home.
We’re all living together as a team, making up for each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Sure, we don’t always see eye to eye, but we’re making it work.
I’m not denying that there are still parts of the world where this is just not the case, nor am I saying that there are no ongoing issues when it comes to gender equality… far from it! But things, really for the first world, are not that bad and we should not take it for granted.
Although things are going fine in the scheme of things, I believe double standards are still present where it can be desirable for one group and deplorable for another. It’s these double standards that are typically used by the radical sides as they pick and choose what suits their arguments best.
A man can’t slap a woman (but when she does it I’m sure she had a good reason). Just like discrimination against women is wrong (but discrimination against men is called equal opportunity). Women should not be objectified in magazines; it’s degrading (as we reach for our yearly Hot Firemen Calendar… well done boys, rrrrrrr!)
The coin flips both ways as women are ball busters for asking what time he’ll be home after drinks with the guys (meanwhile, she has 4 missed calls thirty minutes into girls night). Marriage is a way to trap men (and women supposedly ‘won’ the lottery there). That guy slept around and tells dirty jokes… what a legend (same for her… that’s a bit vulgar don’t you think, you dirty slut? 😉
It’s important that we don’t fall into the traps of such double standards as I think the majority of us get along just fine with the opposite sex; and any conflicts are often just as a result of someone’s behavior (i.e. are they being an ass or not) rather than whether they have an extra X or Y chromosome.
So in conclusion to what has been by longest rant yet, men are from Mars, women are from Venus; and there’s nothing wrong with that. We should embrace our differences and focus on equality where it matters. People should be evaluated on their behavior and attitude towards others, not on their gender (nor race/religion/sexual preference … but that’s a whole new topic).
In my books, it doesn’t matter what is between your legs… if you’re nice to me then I’ll be nice to you.
If you continuously harass people in any way or form it’s not because you’re a man or a woman, it’s simply because you’re being an asshole… and both genders have those!